I met my birth father for the first time yesterday. My parents, Rem, and I drove up to Des Moines Iowa early in the morning in order to meet Matt and his family. Rem and I somehow managed to squeeze ourselves into a reclining position together in the back and slept most of the way there. We all met up at a local Mexican restaurant. It was slightly awkward at first and I could tell Matt was really nervous, but things became less awkward as the day progressed.
After lunch, we all went back to their house and looked at tons of old photographs. It was a really good time of just relaxing and getting to know each other. It helped to have my family and Rem there. His daughters seemed nice, but I kept noticing the oldest one, Sarah, staring at me. Not that I minded. If I suddenly had an older half sister, I'd probably be staring at her too. They seem like a normal family and his wife Anna is especially sweet. She was adopted too, so it was nice having someone else there that knew what I was feeling and going through at the moment. She hasn't searched for her birth father yet, but said that I had inspired her to do so. I thought that was a nice thing to say.
Matt seems very interested and eager to come visit me in KC this summer. I am glad that he was so open to having me in his life. He'd literally been thinking about finding me for years!
Anyway, I'm enjoying my last real break before heading back to school for 8 months straight! I hope I can make it and don't get burned out! And leaving Rem again will be hard again, I'm sure. I'm trying not to think about it yet - just enjoying his nearness now. Speaking of, I feel the need to cuddle coming on so I'm going to have to cut this short and cozy on up to my man. Later all! :)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!
Yay for March!!! It's a good month. Saturday is Remington and I's 6 month anniversary! Can you believe it's been 6 months!?! I sure can't! He just moved into a new apartment and is busy getting all set up there in Olathe. I've got 1 week left on local medicine. Today was so busy I had 2 cases and tomorrow looks even crazier!!! Remington's 28th birthday is on Sunday. I bought him a really nice study Bible and had his name engraved on it. I hope he likes it and thinks it's a good gift. We are starting a new church-wide Bible study/devotional for lent next week and his old Bible is pretty outdated, so I thought he might appreciate a new one. I'm also going to surprise him by blindfolding him and driving him down to Bartle Hall for the Auto Show on Saturday. Keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be a fun and exciting time for him.
My birthday is on the 12th! And my greatest gift is the fact that I have another 3 weeks off and am going home! I can't wait! Especially since I'm not doing a preceptorship and I really don't think I even want to work at all! Free time - hooray! I'm already starting a list of things I want to get done! Helping Rem and Marty decorate their new place is definitely on the list! I'm so jealous they have a nice new apartment to decorate! My apartment place was nice enough to allow me to draw up a special 10 month lease for next year due to the fact that I will be graduating in May. Only downer is my rent is going up $15 a month. It's expensive being an adult and taking care of yourself!
I'm also trying to arrange a meeting with my birthfather and his family. The date is tentatively set for March 20th. We'll probably stay for just the day, but we still need to work out the details. It should be good. Matt said that both of the girls will be on spring break and staying at home during that time, so that's nice. And I plan on bringing my parents and Rem for moral support because I'll be nervous when the time comes. Well, I have a test on Friday - yes, they still throw tests at us even though we're in clinics now - so I'd better do some more studying!
My birthday is on the 12th! And my greatest gift is the fact that I have another 3 weeks off and am going home! I can't wait! Especially since I'm not doing a preceptorship and I really don't think I even want to work at all! Free time - hooray! I'm already starting a list of things I want to get done! Helping Rem and Marty decorate their new place is definitely on the list! I'm so jealous they have a nice new apartment to decorate! My apartment place was nice enough to allow me to draw up a special 10 month lease for next year due to the fact that I will be graduating in May. Only downer is my rent is going up $15 a month. It's expensive being an adult and taking care of yourself!
I'm also trying to arrange a meeting with my birthfather and his family. The date is tentatively set for March 20th. We'll probably stay for just the day, but we still need to work out the details. It should be good. Matt said that both of the girls will be on spring break and staying at home during that time, so that's nice. And I plan on bringing my parents and Rem for moral support because I'll be nervous when the time comes. Well, I have a test on Friday - yes, they still throw tests at us even though we're in clinics now - so I'd better do some more studying!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
PMS Sucks!
I think it's somewhat comical when guys comment on how horrible it is for them when women are PMSing. Like it's a walk in the park for us! HA! You think I like being irrationally emotional. You really believe that I want to cry at the drop of a hat. You think I enjoy sounding like a crazy person??? And I'm a lot luckier than most women - I don't really have as many physical side effects of PMS that a lot of women have. It just gets so frustrating sometimes feeling depressed and upset without being able to pin-point what is wrong, let alone know what to do to fix it! If there were a magic button that would remove the angst and discontent, you'd better believe I'd be smacking it before you could even blink bucko!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Happy New Year!!!
Oh my word! It's been so long since I've blogged! I didn't write anything in December! Oooops! So sorry, although I seriously doubt anyone really reads this blog - it's just my outlet. Anyway, things are going well and Christmas was wonderful. Remington absolutely outdid himself and spoiled me rotten. I told him I loved him - his reaction was priceless and is etched in my mind forever. He really didn't understand what I was saying when I said that I had another gift to give him and that it was my heart. He started to say "awwww," right as I said "I love you, Remington." Time stood still. His pupils widened and narrowed in disbelief and he had to ask "what did you say?" I told him again and he replied "really?" He was so happy he admitted to being close to tears, which made me love him even more! We sat and hugged on the couch, talking quietly for the next 15 minutes. It was my best Christmas ever.
My mother has informed me that Griswald is not coming back to COMO with me, but will be staying here in KC with her! Haha! I knew this would happen! That little booger just weasels his way into everyone's heart. I think even Roxy will be sad to see him go (she was caught trying to get him to play with her the other day).
My preceptorship at Blackbob Pet Hospital is going great! I really like it there! My friend from college (Sarah Cochran Armstrong) has worked there as a technician for several years and we've had fun catching up! I've gotten to perform several solo mass removals, removed some teeth, sutured wounds and surgical sites, and so much more! It's an all female practice, but everyone gets along relatively well and I think that this is a practice where I could see myself working someday. I've been contemplating becoming board certified in physical therapy. I think it's an interesting up-and-coming field that I would like to be involved in.
Bible study is going well. We are studying the book entitled Love and Respect. It has sparked a lot of good conversation between Rem and I. We're really learning a lot about each other. It can be a bit awkward in the group though, because his ex-girlfriend is also a part of the study. She has created a little trouble (nothing that I can't handle or that would cause me to worry in any way, but just additional stress that needn't be there). I know it's hard for her to see Rem and I together, so I do my best to be respectful and refrain from being overly affectionate with Rem when she is around but I feel like our relationship is under the group's collective microscope and that people are looking for ways that we try to hurt her. It's annoying and hurtful. Why are grown adults so incapable of minding their own business and not stirring up drama?
I'm learning just how insecure I am as a girl. I've always know that I have some insecurities and that there were things about myself that I didn't like. But it almost seems as if being in a relationship just magnifies those insecurities 100 fold. It's so stupid and counter-productive. Part of the reason they say men are attracted to a woman is because of her confidence. So why do I lose mine when I finally get a man??? I feel like I constantly mess up and send him messages that tell him that I don't really trust him and that I don't really believe him when he tells me he loves me. Then I feel like such a heel for giving that impression. It's probably partly due to the fact that I've never been in a relationship before, which makes me feel bad all over again knowing that he has to deal with my irrational and somewhat immature behavior regarding certain issues. I'm fairly grounded and logical, but sometimes I'm ashamed at what a weak woman I can be.
Anyway, I'm absolutely exhausted and really need to go to bed now. I hope you enjoyed my lengthy update. Until next time (which will hopefully be sooner rather than later)!
My mother has informed me that Griswald is not coming back to COMO with me, but will be staying here in KC with her! Haha! I knew this would happen! That little booger just weasels his way into everyone's heart. I think even Roxy will be sad to see him go (she was caught trying to get him to play with her the other day).
My preceptorship at Blackbob Pet Hospital is going great! I really like it there! My friend from college (Sarah Cochran Armstrong) has worked there as a technician for several years and we've had fun catching up! I've gotten to perform several solo mass removals, removed some teeth, sutured wounds and surgical sites, and so much more! It's an all female practice, but everyone gets along relatively well and I think that this is a practice where I could see myself working someday. I've been contemplating becoming board certified in physical therapy. I think it's an interesting up-and-coming field that I would like to be involved in.
Bible study is going well. We are studying the book entitled Love and Respect. It has sparked a lot of good conversation between Rem and I. We're really learning a lot about each other. It can be a bit awkward in the group though, because his ex-girlfriend is also a part of the study. She has created a little trouble (nothing that I can't handle or that would cause me to worry in any way, but just additional stress that needn't be there). I know it's hard for her to see Rem and I together, so I do my best to be respectful and refrain from being overly affectionate with Rem when she is around but I feel like our relationship is under the group's collective microscope and that people are looking for ways that we try to hurt her. It's annoying and hurtful. Why are grown adults so incapable of minding their own business and not stirring up drama?
I'm learning just how insecure I am as a girl. I've always know that I have some insecurities and that there were things about myself that I didn't like. But it almost seems as if being in a relationship just magnifies those insecurities 100 fold. It's so stupid and counter-productive. Part of the reason they say men are attracted to a woman is because of her confidence. So why do I lose mine when I finally get a man??? I feel like I constantly mess up and send him messages that tell him that I don't really trust him and that I don't really believe him when he tells me he loves me. Then I feel like such a heel for giving that impression. It's probably partly due to the fact that I've never been in a relationship before, which makes me feel bad all over again knowing that he has to deal with my irrational and somewhat immature behavior regarding certain issues. I'm fairly grounded and logical, but sometimes I'm ashamed at what a weak woman I can be.
Anyway, I'm absolutely exhausted and really need to go to bed now. I hope you enjoyed my lengthy update. Until next time (which will hopefully be sooner rather than later)!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
What is Love?
The dictionary defines love as a tender, passionate affection and concern for the well-being of another person. Love is so many things that it is hard to describe adequately. I don't know if our finite minds can truly understand all the depths and hidden parts of true love, but here is my humble attempt to define what love means to me.
Love is not just a feeling, it is a choice and a commitment. It cannot truly be expressed or given without God’s help. Love spills over from the core of who you are. It is expressed and experienced in 1000 different ways. It always takes into account the recipients needs. It lives to die. Loving someone means trusting them to love you back – even the ugly parts. Love is a gift from God – a picture of His supernatural love for us. Love protects and defends, it never abandons or exposes. When you love someone, you ache for them every minute you’re apart. You want to please them, you want to help them be everything God meant for them to be. Love is an investment – an investment in another person, and an investment in eternity. You commit to constantly learn and appreciate this person and you acknowledge the importance of your relationship in God’s kingdom. The way you love is a spotlight – it illuminates God’s love for humanity and His love for each of you. Your love is an example to those around you – to your friends, family, and someday, your children. Love is a lesson that you will learn over and over again. It is something that you need to teach each other and those around you. It is beautiful and sometimes scary. It is not something you fall in and out of. It is the backbone of a relationship. It has the power to hold everything together.
What is love to you?
Love is not just a feeling, it is a choice and a commitment. It cannot truly be expressed or given without God’s help. Love spills over from the core of who you are. It is expressed and experienced in 1000 different ways. It always takes into account the recipients needs. It lives to die. Loving someone means trusting them to love you back – even the ugly parts. Love is a gift from God – a picture of His supernatural love for us. Love protects and defends, it never abandons or exposes. When you love someone, you ache for them every minute you’re apart. You want to please them, you want to help them be everything God meant for them to be. Love is an investment – an investment in another person, and an investment in eternity. You commit to constantly learn and appreciate this person and you acknowledge the importance of your relationship in God’s kingdom. The way you love is a spotlight – it illuminates God’s love for humanity and His love for each of you. Your love is an example to those around you – to your friends, family, and someday, your children. Love is a lesson that you will learn over and over again. It is something that you need to teach each other and those around you. It is beautiful and sometimes scary. It is not something you fall in and out of. It is the backbone of a relationship. It has the power to hold everything together.
What is love to you?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sighing a Breath of Relief
Finally! Neurology is over! Hip-hip-hooray! My mood was about a bazzilion times better today, and I felt like my shoulders actually moved when I took a breath!!! I couldn't be more extatic to be moving onto soft tissue service! I even get to do a ovariohysterectomy tomorrow!!! And we have a really interesting case of a dermoid sinus in a chocolate lab that is going to surgery tomorrow as well! It's going to be a fabulous week. Still have long hours, still won't know all the answers, but at least now I can breathe!
Oh, and I'm super-duper missing my man right now! He accidentally left some clothes here from when he came to visit this weekend and they smell so much like him I can't stop! It's stupid, I know, but what's a girl to do when her man is 200 miles away? :) Anyway. There are still times when I have worries about how we'll handle certain things in the future, but more and more, I just am overwhelmed with affection for him both when we're apart and when we're together. He's so sweet and takes good care of me! He helped me buy a phone, cleaned out my shower drain, and did the dishes this weekend!!! I know, right? What a keeper!
Stay tuned!!!
Oh, and I'm super-duper missing my man right now! He accidentally left some clothes here from when he came to visit this weekend and they smell so much like him I can't stop! It's stupid, I know, but what's a girl to do when her man is 200 miles away? :) Anyway. There are still times when I have worries about how we'll handle certain things in the future, but more and more, I just am overwhelmed with affection for him both when we're apart and when we're together. He's so sweet and takes good care of me! He helped me buy a phone, cleaned out my shower drain, and did the dishes this weekend!!! I know, right? What a keeper!
Stay tuned!!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Stressed to the Max
I feel so heavy right now. Just so completely weighted down by everything that is going on. I absolutely hate neurology service. I thought it was getting better, but then I was attacked again in rounds today. My brain just shuts down when they start asking me questions in a certain tone. It won't back up, go forward, anything - it just dies! I looked so incompetent today. It's just so frustrating and discouraging it makes me want to cry!
On top of it all, I think I might be getting sick! I was able to fight it off a couple of weeks ago, but putting in these kind of hours and being in a constant state of stress for such a long period of time is really wearing me down. Rem is supposed to come up this weekend, but he's been really busy too. If he doesn't come, I think that will further push me into even more discontentment and angst.
I can't wait till next Wednesday when we switch to Soft Tissue Surgery - it's gonna be like heaven! Just please, Lord, get me through till then. Please calm my mind and help me remember the things I learned about the nervous system. I know the information is up in my brain somewhere.
On top of it all, I think I might be getting sick! I was able to fight it off a couple of weeks ago, but putting in these kind of hours and being in a constant state of stress for such a long period of time is really wearing me down. Rem is supposed to come up this weekend, but he's been really busy too. If he doesn't come, I think that will further push me into even more discontentment and angst.
I can't wait till next Wednesday when we switch to Soft Tissue Surgery - it's gonna be like heaven! Just please, Lord, get me through till then. Please calm my mind and help me remember the things I learned about the nervous system. I know the information is up in my brain somewhere.
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