I am so beyond frustrated right now! Why can't I stand up for myself? Why do I always give in to other people - even when they don't deserve my sacrifice or compassion? There's a big stud ram sale coming up that we have to help with in Sedalia, MO. We each have to work one day. My friend Lauren signed me up for Wednesday (I was in KC at the hospital with Dad) because she knew I was trying to get home that weekend. Well there's this Paine in the *** in our group who says he has a "personal event" Friday that he needs to go to. He won't be more specific, undoubtably because he knows it doesn't hold a candle to me needing to be at home to help take care of my Dad.
1. I got signed up first. He didn't. Too bad.
2. I don't want to work 7:30am-11pm (not counting travel time) on Friday. I'd much rather work 10:30am-6pm on Wednesday like I was signed up for.
3. I want/need to be at home as much as possible the next 4 weekends while my dad is restricted to the house. I'm sure my mom not only needs help caring for him, but taking care of all the other things around the house and would definitely appreciate time out of the house while I stay with Dad.
I'm so mad!!! He knew exactly how to manipulate the situation. And I'm mad at myself for not being stronger! I wanted to say "no" with every fiber of my being. But I worry too much about other people considering me selfish (which I don't think it would have been if I said no) or that I'm not a team player. I don't even like this guy! He didn't even have the balls to tell me exactly why he needed to have that time off! Infuriating!!! I heard that he is wanting to go out of town with his girlfriend, who I know for a fact lives in COMO and he can see any day of the week! Why am I such a sucker??? I am waaaaay to nice - to people who don't deserve it!
And I'm worried that my anger and frustration are going to show through to the clinicians. I don't want them to think I have a bad attitude. But it's just not fair! I didn't want to say yes. And he didn't even say THANK YOU! Grrrrrrrr!