Love's Pursuit

God loved me.  He sent a Man to rescue me.  He sent a Man to die for me.  I had never been worthy of such sacrifice, and I know that I never will be.  I am not good and can never hope to be, but God still loves me.  Still he pursues me.  I merit no favor.  I deserve no grace from God.  There is nothing I can do to coax God to save me.  Nothing I can do to deserve to whisper in God's ear, to feel His eye upon me.  There is no work that I could accomplish that would place God in my debt to coerce Him to act on my behalf.  But still, He does it.  Still....He did it.  God saved me.  I am certain of God's saving grace.  I stand convinced of His love.  And it has nothing to do with my faithfulness, for I have none.  I am faithless.  But He pursued me because He loved me.  He wanted me.  I was rescued.  Spared.  I did not know why.  But I did know who had done the sparing.  Was I worth it?  No.  But there must have been some reason.  I was loved with a love much greater, much vaster, than I knew, by a love so impassioned that it had pursued me.  Me!  As if I was worth that effort.  No, I was not good.  I never had been.  But I was loved.  I am loved.

Only God is good and God is only good.

Whew!

I made it through (well almost).  I still have my first surgery later this afternoon, but that's not for an official grade, and I feel pretty prepared for it - I have a good lab group.  The test today wasn't too horrible considering I only had time to go over my notes twice after I got home from the clinical procedures lab last night. 

I am soooooo tired!  I need a diet coke, but am wary of drinking one because we can't exactly leave to go to the bathroom during the middle of surgery....  And I can't go without it because then I'll get a headache :(  If you're reading this, I apologize for my complaining and general grumpiness, but I haven't gotten much sleep lately and don't feel like putting effort into sounding chipper.

Well, enough of my drab discourse.  I found some amazing passages in a book recently, I'll try and post them soon.

Here Comes the Stress

It's like finals week all over again!!! 

Monday: Orthopedic Surgery Exam and Didactic Anesthesia Orientation

Tuesday: Surgery Lab quiz, Anesthesia Lab, and Clinical Procedures Lab

Wednesday: Companion Animal Medicine Test and first live-animal Surgery Lab

Ug!  My stress levels go up just thinking about it.  Originally I was excited to get my clinical procedures lab out of the way, but then I realize that I would be at school from 8 am till around 9 pm with an important test the next morning!  Please carry me through this Lord, as you have everything else so far.  Not by my strength or knowledge, but by Your grace!

PS - Dad is now recovering at home under the watchful eye of my mom and Roxy (who can't quite figure out why he's using a walker or why there is a wheelchair in the middle of her living room)!

A Not-So-Relaxing Weekend

Suffice it to say, this weekend was not all that I had hoped it would be.  My time with Katie and her family on Friday night was wonderful and I stayed longer than I should have.  The drive back to KC was where everything started going wrong.  My mom took my dad to the ER around 9:00 Friday night.  He had chills and a fever of 103 degrees.  His left leg was also swollen and red.  At first the doctors thought it might be blood poisoning from a wound he sustained the weekend before.

So I spent a lot of my weekend at the hospital in ICU.  Dad's blood pressure was only about 60/40 when they got to the ER and so they wanted to monitor him closely.  Now they think it's just a skin infection (either staph or strep).  He was moved out of ICU and into a regular room last night and they put in a "pic line" today so that the antibiotics they're giving him will be distributed faster.  They hope that he'll be able to go home by Wednesday, but he'll have to go back every 2-3 days for more antibiotic injections.  The doctors are saying that it could take several weeks for it to really get better.

It was hard to leave and come back to COMO with him still so sick.  They say his life isn't in danger, but I really won't feel that way until he's out of the hospital and feeling much better.  I've been trying my best not to worry and put everything into God's hands, but sometimes it's a challenge and I find myself imagining horrible scenarios about diseaseas and conditions I've learned about in class.  But ultimately I trust in God to see my family through this - no matter the outcome.  And I'll continue to praise His name through it all.

Venting

Okay, I meant to write about this when it happened (Tues), but I've been trying to get everything done that I put off during finals (and it's quite a list).  Anyway, our group that is going to Africa this summer did another Yankee Candle fundraiser this spring.  I did pretty good with my sales and got people I didn't even know to buy things!!!  Well, there was this one guy who came to Sunday School while I was home and ordered something for his mom for Mother's Day.  I knew I wasn't going to be back in KC until that very weekend, so asked a friend if I could get the candles to hrm, if she would take them to Sunday School and distribute the 3 orders (including the 1 for this stranger).

So I had my parents make an extra trip to COMO to get the order, wait around late after work till my "friend" could pick up the order and it was all for nothing because this person didn't even go to church last Sunday!  Grrrrrr! I am sooooo frustrated!  Yes, I realized what I asked wasn't super convenient for her since she apparently doesn't go to church except to socialize when she knows I'm in town.  But when I asked for a favor, she could have said "no", or "I'm not sure I'll go to church, my attendance has been sketchy lately".  But what did she say?  "Sure!  No problem, I'd be glad to help!"

I am so sick and tired of this person never doing what she says she'll do.  Yes, ultimately it's my responsibility to get the order to the correct people, but if you said you'd do it - then do it!  I don't care about your excuses, it would have been one hour of your day - maybe not even that!  She could have distributed them and then left!  I can't believe I thought she would come through this time.  Never again will I intrust her with anything, big or small. 

So now, I have to somehow get the candle orders back from her in time to contact this guy (who I think lives a good distance from Olathe) and hunt him down before Sunday so he can have the gift for his mom.  This is exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend at home!  Ahhhhhhh!  I really don't feel like talking with her or pretending I'm not mad about this.  She just doesn't think about how her actions impact other people.  I'm tired of it.

Starry Night

Driving home from Jeff City tonight, I noticed how amazingly clear and beautiful the sky was tonight.  I could see thousands of stars!  I was so tempted to just pull over onto a side road and find a spot to get out and star-gaze for a bit.  I didn't though, because of the time and I still had to prepare for class tomorrow.  But someday I'd like to spend an evening in the back of a truck with a bunch of blankets, food, music, and some good company.  It's one of my dreams and I can't wait to do it!  God's creation is so wonderful!

I am so thankful to Him right now.  HE IS FAITHFUL!  He got me through this tough block!  I didn't do it in my own strength, because I had none!  It was all Him!  And I know that I'll be leaning on Him through this block as well.  It's another tough one!  We had part of our surgery orientation today, and boy was it intimidating!  But I am more than confident that I am where God wants me and doing what He's called me to do.  I will rest in that tonight and not worry about tomorrow.

Goodnight.  And if you're reading this and haven't looked at the stars tonight, go outside and be awed by God's glory!

Hot Guy Alert!

Dear Lord,
       Ya know the guy in #15-204?  The super cute one - tall, dark hair, broad shoulders, and a great smile?  Of course you do!  Well, I'd really appreciate it if You could introduce us.  PLEASE let him be single and a Christian.  And if it's not too much trouble, maybe You could put it in his mind that I'm decently attractive, funny, and smart so that he'll wanna get to know me.  Thanks a bunch!  Love,
                                                Lisa

PS - I could really use Your help on this last test, it's stressing me out!