Thursday, July 30, 2009


I'm coming to terms with what has happened. I still ache if I let myself dwell on it, but I'm working through it and trying to decide what to say when the time comes. I've come to the conclusion that forgiveness, like love, is to be given unconditionally. Still unsure of whether I want the other offended party to know what transpired that night. I feel somehow he might turn it back around on me and suggest that it was my fault that this happened.

I took Roxy to the park this afternoon. She loved it. Except when she saw other dogs. I own a dog-aggressive German Shepherd = I am such a bad mommy! She's a guard dog and we have a lot of strays where we live, so her aggressiveness is excusable, but I wish I could take her to the dog park and let her play, but she would just freak out and behave badly. The next dog I get will be so socialized I'll be able to take it everywhere! But I still love my Roxy Carley more than anything, even when she's naughty!

Monday, July 27, 2009


Funny how people can turn on you in ways you’d never expect. Interesting to know that you will eventually forgive them, but yet can’t even bear thinking about the situation. Shocking to see years’ worth of trust shattered in one evening.

I don’t know how to talk to him again. What he did was so incredibly wrong. He had no right and I have never been this mad in my entire life. He thinks he hurt me – he’s wrong. I’m not hurt, I’m livid. More than that I am ashamed, embarrassed, and feel completely exposed and violated.

So many emotions are boiling inside me. I’m outraged and want nothing more than to scream and break and tear. And I am broken – bleeding out and struggling for air. I have never been more naked than I feel right now.

I don’t know what he saw, nor do I want to. It doesn’t matter. My privacy was shattered and my wishes ignored.

His apologies sicken me. I don’t want to see his face or hear his voice. The simpering and begging I know are coming churn my stomach and make me want to retch. I am completely disgusted.

I want to strike back. I long to tell the other offended party and allow him to rip this guy to shreds. I am so desperate to at least have the other half know the pain I am in; to have him take my side and comfort me. But I am loyal and am not a mean person by nature. So no matter what I wish I could do – I really cannot bear to hurt the offender like he’s hurt me.

God, how do I get past this? How do I pick up the shreds of our relationship? Can it be mended? Lord, you must help me forgive. I don’t have the strength to do it on my own. I choose to forgive, I will try to forget, but I won’t ever fully trust him again.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Life is interesting. I thought that maybe it's time to begin documenting mine again. I stopped journaling about 3 years ago. Hopefully the convienience of my keyboard will encourage me to write about my thoughts, experiences, hopes, and prayers once more. I plan on making this a place where I can express myself freely - my frustrations, fears, and fun moments. All the highs and lows of my daily life.

It would take me forever to catch you up on the last few years of my life, so I won't go there. Suffice it to say, I grew up alot. Life is about learning and becoming the woman that God designed me to be. I suppose I should brush you up on the basics though...

My name is Lisa and I am a 24 year-old graduate student studying Veterinary Medicine. Animals are my God-given passion. Nothing touches my heart like His magnificent creation, and I plan on using the desires and talents He's given me to become closer to God by caring for and protecting that creation.

So, thanks for taking the time to read this blog and I guess we'll soon see where my writing leads.