There are a million thoughts and issues rolling around in my brain right now.
I'm super stressed because finals are this Tuesday and Wednesday. I hate finals. I really don't think I'll have any issues this block, I've set myself up pretty well this time, but it's still really stressful regardless. Just seems like time's running out.
My finances are severly stretched to their limit. So I now have to worry/decide whether to take out more money to get me through the summer. I don't want to increase my debt load, but I also don't want to start bouncing checks! Sigh...
And I don't know if it's hormones or what, but for about the last 3 weeks, I've really been struggling with wanting a man. The real deal. A God-centered, compassionate, strong, attractive man. I want to be loved so bad it hurts. I am so crazy busy, but am still so lonely and find myself feeling empty. And I know that a man won't make the emptiness go away, but I want to love someone. I want to be pursued. I wish to be known by someone who won't turn away.
These feelings weren't helped by the fact that my best friend got married last weekend. I am really happy for her, but at the same time, this wedding was the hardest to watch. Probably because I've never even met the groom and she's moving hundreds of miles away and who knows when I'll see her again. It just felt so final. I was happy that she found the man for her, but I was left feeling very alone and sad.
I need to have a long vacation to sort through and get over all my inner turmoil. Except this summer's line-up has me busier than ever (even if it is a fun kind of busy). I haven't even had time to think about let alone look forward to my trip to Africa! It'll be here sooner than I think!
Anyway, I'd better get back to finishing these clinical problems for my companion animal final... ug!
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Lisa,
ReplyDeleteYour post makes me smile, yet feel so sad all at the same time! I smile at our willingness to share your heart, your openness to share what is truly going on on the inside. I must say that I understand the loneliness feeling, and I understand how it can be so overwhelming at times. It seems that the busy-ness should help, but it only seems to make it worse. I hope life is looking up for you since you posted this, and I am praying for you often. I know that my move to WI may make it less of a chance to see you, but I am certainly not gone for good! I will be back and will certainly make time to talk with you. And Wade, I'm positive you will get a chance to meet and get to know Wade. And I hope that I get the chance to know your future husband, whenever it is that God introduces you to him. Hold on tight, it is coming! I love you and miss you, dear friend!
Love you,
Christina