Monday, October 25, 2010

So Beyond Exhausted

Whew!  I am soooooo tired.  I got to the VMTH (Veterinary Medicine Teaching Hospital) at 6:30 this morning and didn't leave until 7:15 tonight.  I still have to go back, because I have 10pm meds duty and am lucky enough to have to be back by 6 am tomorrow morning!  Yay for surgery!  I have to put on about 10 layers of concealer to hide the huge dark circles under my eyes.  I guess this is good training for having a baby someday - I hear new parents don't get much rest either.

I've been in a funk the last few days too.  I think it was because I had a little time off this weekend.  It sounds funny, I know, but there was just enough time to do absolutely nothing.  I couldn't go home to KC because I had to be back at the VMTH at around 7 both Saturday and Sunday, but had too much time on my hands to just sit and think about all the quality time with Remington that I was missing.  This was compounded by the fact that we didn't really talk much on Sunday.  I know he's busy and I don't expect him to stop socializing because I'm not around, but I guess I was just feeling a bit needy and wishing that he would skip going to Perkins with everyone and talk to me instead.

He appologized via text after I had fallen asleep last night, which made me feel a little better except that when I responded to the text I never heard back from him :(  I know he's not ignoring me and that he really does want to talk to me, but I'm just really struggling with the long distance thing right now.  I think I start to have doubts when we are away from eachother and especially when we don't get to really talk in a while.  I can't name any super specific doubts, but several of them definitely stem from my general lack of self-esteem which I know is totally silly and unfounded.  I don't know.  Being this tired doesn't help me sort through any of this either.  *sigh*

Bottom line - I'm grumpy and discontent, which means that right now I'm going to go spend some time in God's word and fix my attitude and give him my heartaches and doubts.

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