Deep Questions

So there was some great discussion last night. One thing that we talked about was the fear of cheating on a spouse or significant other. I usually think about that in regards to what if he cheats on me? But last night I explored the possibility of being the unfaithful one.

I know from past experiences how easy it is to ignore what you know to be right and good and true in the heat of a moment. I’ve made conscious decisions to act unwisely and put myself in dangerous positions both physically and emotionally. Do I regret it? Yes. Am I ashamed of it? Yes. Have I been forgiven? Yes.

Through those experiences, I’ve learned how incredibly weak I am. How easily I give in. I can tell myself over and over that he failed to protect me, and while that is true, I need to also realize that I failed to protect myself. Nor did I do anything to protect him. During those times I found myself reveling in the feelings of being desired as a woman. That attention drove me to disregard my cautions and give parts of myself to a man who had not made even the slightest commitment of love or protection.

What makes me think that I won’t be just as willing to give into this need for reassurance as a female when I’m married? What if my husband isn’t meeting those needs but I meet someone else who is willing to do so? Will I be strong enough to say “no” then? What, if anything, would stop me? How can I make sure that I won’t fall and seek fulfillment elsewhere?

These questions and many more were running through my head as I drove home last night and I was able to come to some conclusions.

1. What I did yesterday does not determine who I am today. I have made mistakes but do not have to repeat those mistakes. Too often, we allow Satan that foothold of doubt, fear, and self-incrimination. Does Jesus remember my sins? No, they have been removed from me as far as the east is from the west! I have been set free from the chains that bound me to my depraved nature. I can and will choose to live and walk in His footsteps today and evermore.

2. Fear of “what-if” cannot rule my life. How sad it would be if I went through life worried about every little action and possibility. I am not saying that we should be flippant about our choices or actions; I personally think we should search our hearts and motives often, but we cannot let fear keep us from living the joy-filled lives that God has promised us through Jesus. I will also say that there seem to be many who tip the scale in the opposite direction (even in Christian circles) – never thinking about the impact that their decisions will have on their own lives or the lives of other people, let alone eternity. We must strike a balance between being paralyzed by fear of failure and living carelessly or recklessly.

3. Married or not, my main goal should be to live in continuous fellowship with Christ. I do not need to worry or fret about what sins I may or may not commit. All that is required of me is that I act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God. If I consistently seek His face and His likeness in my life, I will be able to hear His Spirit speak to my heart when any trial or temptation comes my way. And if I am living in fullness through Jesus, He will not let me fall. So I choose to follow Him and to strive towards knowing and loving him better and deeper every day.