Love Never Fails

Love is not proud

Love does not boast

Love after all

Matters the most

Love does not run

Love does not hide

Love does not keep

Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through

Love never fails you

Love will sustain

Love will provide

Love will not cease

At the end of time

Love will protect

Love always hopes

Love still believes

When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you

Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound

When I can’t turn back around

When the sky is falling down

Nothing is greater than this

Greater than this

Love is right here

Love is alive

Love is the way

The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through

Love is the arms that are holding you

Love is the place you will fly to

Love never fails you

Oh, Jesus!  My heart shudders!  Why am I so afraid?  You have been faithful to me and I know that you will always be faithful.  So why do I feel this panic?  Why all this worry?  Why can't I simply rest in you.  Do I really believe you can't see me through this?  Do I not doubt you, but myself?  I am faced with dying to myself again.  Dying to the dream.  It's yours.  Do with me and my life as you will.

*Sigh*  I feel your peace washing over my heart.  Thank you for believing in me even when I cannot.

Icky Icky Radiology

Bleh!

Radiology exam - DONE!  Don't feel too horible about it because we don't have our grades back yet.  I'm sure I'd be super depressed and in full-on panic mode if I knew my raw score.  Last year, this test was severely curved, so I'm counting on consistancy!

I was invited to two different activities tonight, but after a test like that, I just don't feel like doing anything but sitting on the couch and watching some mind-numbing drama on TV.  Griswald likes it when I take the night off.  He curls up in my lap and just purrs away!  Sweet boy.

It's a funny feeling when hope dies.  Kind of a hollow acceptance.  Another step forward, no looking back, absolutely no regrets.  We're going to talk about perserverance in small group tomorrow.  I still have to finish the chapter, but was already struck with the words of Jesus in Luke 22:31.  Here's my version (insert your own name if you like)

"Lisa, Lisa, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.  But I have prayed for you, Lisa, that your faith may not fail.  And when you have turned back, strengthen those around you."

Wow.  God prays for me!?!  How absolutely amazing, awe-inspiring, and humbling!  Before our trials come to us, they are first passed through Christ's prayers and the merciful hand of God.  Knowing that I am being sifted and put through the flames for a purpose gives me strength to endure whatever comes my way.  School challenges, illness, hardship, heartache, misunderstanding, alienation, persecution, doubt, finance troubles, injury, and even death - all of it has been bathed in prayer and aproved by God for my refinement. 

Praise be to Him who has saved me!  All honor and glory I give to you, Lord Jesus.

Guess Who?

I had an unexpected visitor tonight.  Someone I never thought would call me wanting to come over.  Someone I never thought would choose to confide in me and have lengthy conversation about his personal life.  AND  he wanted me to move in with him next year!  HA!!!  It was a bit surreal, and I only hope I helped a little, just by listening, and that what he's going through gives him a little more compassion towards others in the future.

Again, just a really strange visit...and now I should probably finish cramming for tomorrow's test!

Heavy

I don't know if it was the gloomy weather, but today was icky.  It started off fine.  Got a B on my test.  Nothing unusual or earth-shattering happened in class.  But when I was studying for my quiz this afternoon, I just felt....burdened.  There's really no other way of explaining it.  A heaviness in my chest, a sort of unexplained sadness. 

It didn't leave me until late tonight.  All I can come up with is that it was Satan messing with my head.  I don't like him much.  He plays dirty and makes me doubt myself.  He makes me question and worry about things that don't matter and that God has taken care of, or better yet, never accused me of!  The devil just wants to upset the peace of Christ that is in me.

I refuse to let him.

Finally!!!

Studying finally paid off!  I got a B on a really difficult test today.  I was worried because the quizes in this class have been rather difficult lately.  But the short 3 hours of sleep I got last night was worth getting my B.  It's so rare that my efforts pay off.  So many days I feel like I push myself to the limit and have nothing to show for it.  The next time I feel that way though, I'll try and remember today to keep from getting too discouraged.

Some of my girlfriends and I were de-friended on facebook by a mutual friend who recently was married.  He claims to know nothing about how it happened, but I just find it odd that a computer glitch would single the 3 of us out at the same time - weird.  Whatever, I really didn't have time to think about it or wonder why he was being stupid.  Not that I really care anymore anyway.  I'm glad that part of my life is over!

I lost a bet on Monday. My boys lost to those stupid birds in Lawrence.  Sad day.  But we'll set things straight when they come to our house!  GO  TIGERS!!!

My Mommy is coming to visit me this weekend!  I need a good dose of home.  I won't be back until valentine's day weekend at the earliest - and that's still undecided.  I really wanted to get a group together to go dancing that Saturday night, but I just got an Oasis e-mail about plans to go to a Japanese place and then the comedy club (which I hope they realize might be a little iffy with all the love-making jokes that will  most definitely be thrown around).  The dancing is happening on Friday night too, so maybe we could still go - I think it would be so much fun!

Anyway, I have a quiz tomorrow, so I'd better read through my notes and get to bed!

So. Stressed. Right. Now.

All I wanna do right now is pull my hair out!  We just picked clinical rotations (which had me panicked).  The one I ended up with is alright except that my Path rotation isn't until after the NAVLE (boards).  And I only managed to get one of the 8 week blocks as a free block.  Oh well, I think I can handle everything else about it.

I'm studying for a quiz that I'm gonna take early and get it out of the way because I have another quiz and a test tomorrow.  I'm just paranoid and freaking out about grades already - this block is really tough.  I'm enjoying radiology and clinical pathology, but there's just a lot to learn in such a short amount of time!  And at this point pharmacology is just a pain in the butt.

Ahhhhh!  Oh well, God will see me through somehow (and hopefully with all of my hair still on my head)!

Losing Her

Smile, though your heart is aching.

Smile, even though it’s breaking.

When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

If you smile through your pain and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness.

Hide every trace of sadness.

Although a tear may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what’s the use of crying?

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile

I’ve been sitting here, listening to this song over and over for the last hour - crying and looking at pictures of my beloved Brina. How can my heart still hurt so much? Has it really been a year? I’ve started writing about her, but couldn’t bring myself to finish my work tonight, so I borrowed someone else’s. Originally written by Amy Waggoner, I’ve tweaked it a little to honor my girl. I hope when I finish my personal tribute to Brina, it will be as beautiful as this one.

                         Losing Her

There’s a hole in my heart where my dog used to be.

She nuzzled my soul and is now a part of me.

Her pain is her life and I know what to do.

But when I release her, I’m losing me too.

The puppy I cradled five short years ago

Is a ninety-pound bundle of love and I know

That she’d lick away all my tears if she could.

It’s her sense of duty to make me feel good.

It’s my obligation to do what is best.

The love of her “master” is put to the test.

It’s a wrenching and sorrowful way that we part;

It doesn’t hurt less when the head rules the heart.

There’s a hole in my heart where my precious baby girl passed through.

Brina, when I said “goodbye”, a part of me went with you.