Are you for serious?

Seriously? You're asking me this now? Why? Is there a point? What are you trying to prove? I don't get it. You are annoying and full of doublespeak. I don't believe a word you say... and then you go and almost apologize and somehow, all of a sudden, I don't want to accuse and blame you. How is that fair?

At one time, yes, I wanted more from you. I wanted a relationship. I thought you were amazing. A real man - a servant, a leader, a God-follower. I know now what I didn't know then. It (most of it) was an act. A beautiful mask you wore so that I would fall for you. It worked. I fell fast and hard for you. I thought I even loved you at one point - silly, foolish girl. I'll never be that naive again.

I'm glad that nothing happened between us though. You caused enough damage and provided me with enough heartache. I'd hate to think how much worse it would have been if I would have let you kiss me or have any additional claim on my heart and emotions.

You took advantage of me. You knew I was weak and couldn't resist you and you used it to your advantage anyway. You were not the man I thought. A real man would have controlled himself and more importantly, protected me from myself. He would have cared about my emotional and spiritual well-being above his own need.

I know you never should have touched me. I never should have let you. Stupid, needy girl. But, since this is the closest thing to an apology I'll ever get, I guess I should at least be thankful that you are realizing you didn't act with honor. Not to say that my words and deeds were above reproach - because they weren't. But you should have known better. It was your responsibility as my brother and friend to care for me.

And I will be careful not to hold you to any standard. I have no expectations where you are concerned. That way you can't hurt me anymore. But, you will always disgust me. Don't bother telling me your new rules. The ways you are going to protect her like you should have protected me. But there's the difference - you really care about her. I was just convenient for you. You knew I couldn't ever say no.

I don't believe your self-righteous statements. Somehow, by some miracle, I still care for you and want the best for you. So I hope you succeed with your new guidelines. But I won't bet on it. Because you told me the same things. And we did it anyway.

So good luck my fair-weather friend, drama queen extraordinaire. I wish you the best, if for no other reason than hoping it will keep you from messing with my head again. Please grow up. I see faint signs that it may one day happen. I hope for her sake it does.