Frustrations

Let me just rant for a few minutes. Don't know if it's the gloomy weather, or if I'm PMSing, but I just need to be mouthy for a bit.

I get sooooo frustrated when I tell my close friend I'm coming home a certain weekend and when we go to make plans we always seem to be limited by her finances. I'm sorry - I don't want to come home only to have the most boring weekend ever. I've told you numerous times for the past three weeks when I would be home. I shouldn't have to tiptoe around your spending issues! It's your fault you can't even keep a five dollar bill in your pocket for more than 1o minutes! Grrrrrrr! And this happens all the time. I don't really even feel like coming home now. Maybe I'll just spend the weekend with my parents and my dog.

And why do I get my hopes up where other friends are concerned. I'm let down every time. When will I learn that nothing is ever going to change - because people will always be people. I give up. Whatever.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on a table in the middle of a crowded room, bleeding from having disected important parts of myself to give to others, screaming at the top of my lungs but everyone else just keeps going on with whatever they were doing the second before. But no one is there to patch me up and help me put the pieces together.

And why does it matter if anyone listens? Why does it matter that people show they care? Why aren't their occasional words enough? Why must I feel the need for them at all? Isn't Christ enough? He always listens. He waits to show me His love.

It's just that so many things turn out so different than I expect. So many people don't really act like I think they're going to. And I've already learned this lesson! So why do I always find myself hoping and believing that this time things will change? Why do I break my own heart?

Anyway, enough with the accusations and the self pity. Jesus is enough. I give Him my feelings and frustrations.

Jesus, thank you for remembering that I am feeble and mere dust. I give you my hurt. I give you my anger. I offer up my lonliness to you. Thank you that you have compassion on me and that you know how my heart was made. Please help me to see that you have already carried my griefs and sorrows. You know every tear that I shed today. Let me not wallow in self pity, but look to you for comfort and friendship. Let my current emptiness turn me towards you.